Last delivery

Well, I've got three days of fishing left before I head to Vancouver.

It's going to be great to be done, but at the same time i'm unsure about what i'm doing when I finish. I could go home, but without a vehicle it would be a very long couple months, I think. I could go back to Abbotsford and look for work... I could even go to Victoria and look for work there I suppose.

I'm sure something will work out. If anyone has any suggestions, let me know... And if anyone has a car they want to give me, let me know that as well ;)

See some of you soon, and others in September! I hope everyone is having a good spring/summer, and that god is using you wherever you are to bless those around you.
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10 more days

And then what? Two months with no definition, no form. I never thought of myself as one who needs a plan in order to function well, but maybe I am. I just wish I knew what I was doing, and why. Well, long term I do... It's just these next two months that are really undefined. Anyone on the island have a vehicle they want to loan me? Or how about a job?

Life rolls on... It always does. God is, and will, and has been taking care of me. There is more to come in this story.
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Still alive

Well, I've finished three fishing trips now, and we've got one more to go, and then I am done! So far its been pretty good money, but long.... Building character, I suppose. I'll be done around the end of June, and then on to something else... What, i'm not quite sure yet.
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April 28

April 28, 2008
7:32 PM

Today we pulled up the test traps, with some success, and continued running north. Unfortunately, we wound up having to turn around about four or five hours out, because Tony's motor died - apparantly some repairs that were done recently fouled up, and his fuel injector blew. So we wound up wasting a couple hours turning around to get him, tieing his boat behind ours, and taking off again. We might run all night tonight - don't really know. But we're getting closer and closer to the grounds we hope to fish, in the long, narrow inlets and fjords surrounding Bella Coola.

Laura is extremely neorotic, to the point of mild OCD. It can get extremly wearisome, but I'm pretty good at putting my head down and letting it roll off my back. I'm also new, which excuses me to ask questions, and to not be offended when she tells me how to do something for the millionth time. Ollie, on the other hand, gets pretty frustrated with her. He's been fishing with her for four years, and could probably run the boat himself without any major problems. But Laura still treats him (and everyone else) as if they don't comprehend what she does, even though we've already thought about it (and sometimes done it) before she's even asked. The problem with this is if it already has been done, She'll make us go and check or do it again, even if it was perfectly fine the first time.

Anyhow, I'm pretty good about not getting bugged by this. If her and Ollie start yelling, I just put my nose in my book, or back to whatever task I'm doing, and wait it out... I think it'll be better once we start actually fishing. And regardless, It's only a couple months, and they're both good people. Tony, Laura's husband, is one of the most patient men I have ever met - Laura gives him all kinds of crap, and he just stays quiet and lets it blow over. Which, with Laura, is all you can really do.

Two more days til the opening - tomorrow will be spent running and test-fishing, and then Wednesday we build the gear and get ready to do the first set. Then we set on Thursday, and wait and see what we get. Hopefully we hit good spots right off the bat, and then we just hit groundhog day - same thing, every day, for two weeks, when we unload. And then we go and do it again. And again. And again. And then we go home.

I'm looking forward to actually fishing - I practiced boxing with some of the prawns we caught for the test fishery, and I'm starting to get the feel for it. I think I'll pick it up quicker than I first expected. Not having to box the mediums helps too - they're all getting tailed and frozen, which is a pain, but makes the boxing go faster, as there will only be Larges and X-Larges, and the occasional box of Jumbo, to sort through.

Whatever. Money is money, and this ain't a bad way to earn a living. I'll definitly be glad to be back on the island once I'm done though.
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April 27

6:52 AM

We've decided to start running north, in the company of Tony's little sporty and a bigger sports boat. I get the feeling the Laura doesn't have many friends in the fishing industry - she is a bit of a neurotic person, with somthing of a persecution complex. I imagine that these traits have not allowed her to make many friends - she is too worried about others competing for her piece of the pie. Not unusual among fishermen, and to be a woman in an industry dominated by males must not be easy.

The weather looks ugly out there. Brooding grey skies and turbulent water. We're still on the inside, so no real seas yet, but from the looks of things they are coming. And on a little aluminum boat like this, it doesn't take very big seas to make the ride uncomfortable.

10:18 PM

We're tied up in a little ancient BC Packers plant somewhere up the coast. Haven't had cell reception all day, and probably won't have it again until we're done. I'm going through a bit of a withdrawl, but nothing bad so far.

Good evening - I got the chance to take some pictures, and I enjoyed poking around the old plant. By tomorrow night we should be near the fishing grounds... On with the adventure.
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Accident?

I just heard about the stage collapse? At the starfield concert.. Was anyone I know there? Send me an email and let me know everyone is all right... Jordan.w.Shaw@gmail.com
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Bella coola

I have cell signal! Ill be checking my email once every couple weeks, so send me an email and let me know how your summer is going... Help keep me sane!
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Quotes from the shack

A couple choice quotes from The Shack which hit home for me:

"When you chose independence over relationship, you became a danger to each other. Others became objects to be manipulated or managed for your own happiness. Authority, as you usually think of it, is merely an excuse the strong use to make others conform to what they want." - Sarayu, in The Shack

"Mackenzie, you really don't understand yet. You try to make sense of the world in which you live based on a very small and incomplete version of reality. It is like looking at a parade through the tiny knothole of hurt, pain, self-centeredness, and power, and believing you are on your own and insignificant. All of those are powerful lies... [you see] God as the ultimate betrayer, or perhaps at least fundamentally untrustworthy. You dictate the terms and judge my actions and find me guilty. The real underlying flaw is that you don't think I am good. If you knew I was good, and that everything-the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives-is all covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me. But you don't.

You cannot produce trust just like you cannot 'do' humility. It either is, or is not. Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me.

You can't [change that], not alone. But together we will watch that change take place. For now I just want you to be with me and discover that our relationship is not about performance or you having to please me. I'm not a bully, not some self-centered demanding little deity insisting on my own way. I am good, and I desire only what is best for you. You cannot find that through guilt or condemnation or coercion, only through a relationship of love. And I do love you. - Papa, in The Shack

When I dwell with you, I do so in the present - I live in the present. Not the past, although much can be remembered and learned by looking back, but only for a visit, not an extended stay. And for sure, I do not dwell in the future you visualize or imagine. do you realize that your imagination of the future, which is almost always dictated by fear of some kind, rarely, if ever, pictures me there with you? [Why, you ask?] It is your desperate attempt to get some control over something you can't. It is impossible for you to take power over the future because it isn't even real, nor will it ever be real. You try and play God, imagining the evil that you fear becoming reality, and then you try and make plans and contingencies to avoid what you fear.

[This is] because you don't believe. You don't know that we love you. The person who lives by their fears will not find freedom in my love. I am not talking about rational fears regarding legitimate dangers, but imagined fears, and especially the projection of those into the future. To the degree that those fears have a place in your life, you neither believe I am good nor know deep in your heart that I love you. You sing about it; you talk about it, but you don't know it. - Jesus, in The Shack
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April 26

April 26, 2008
Well, I'm sitting in Cambpell River on the morning of the second day of my fishing adventure. Laura and Ollie are both characters in their own way - Laura is at this moment telling me some story - I don't really know what about, I lost track a while ago. Ollie is a cool guy, and I'm learning to take my cues from him - let Laura talk, and then do what needs to be done. Good times.

I'm slowly adjusting to boat life again - And if you have to be on a boat, this one is pretty comfy. Huge cabin, and comfy, super-wide bunks. I sleep on the floor of the cab with a sleeping mat, and it's pretty awesome to actually be able to roll over when sleeping on a boat. Not used to that.

I'm in the middle of reading The Shack right now. It's not bad. He's not the best writer I've ever read, but he makes some very complex theology approachable, and has some very neat ideas about who God is and why He needs the community of the Trinity, something I had never thought about before... which is awesome, because I'm finding it sometimes hard to find theological issues that I haven't wrestled with at least a little bit. When I find something, it keeps me humble. I never want to stop learning.

EDIT 6:13 PM: Finished the book tonight, and it blew me away. Still, not incredible prose, but he says what he needs to get the job done. Some of the ways he phrases his thoughts moved me almost to tears. I found nothing I disagreed with severely, although several of his ideas or definitly unorthodox. I didn't find all that much that was new ideas to me either. But what I found was a beautiful book which captured some of the complexities of God in a way that makes sense, and in a way that hits home big time. He takes a couple stabs at calvinism, which I appreciated, but also at the idea of complete and total free will apart from God. As Dylan says, you gotta serve somebody.

We're in Port McNeil now, where we're getting fuel and preparing for the next leg up the coast to the Bella Bella / Bella Coola area. No cell-phone reception up there, probably... which means being cut off entirely from the outside world. Hopefully that's a good thing.

PS: I can't respond or read comments on this blog, as I'm blogging from my Blackberry - If you want to talk about my thoughts, send me an email at jordan.w.shaw@gmail.com and I'll get back to you if I have cell reception.
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