Jordan

Thoughts on salvation and missions

2009-03-31T19:10:00.000-07:00

On Saturday I went to the Newsboy concert here in town. It was a pretty sweet deal - a real nostalgia trip for me. Michael Tait (of DC Talk fame) is their lead singer now, so they sang a nice blend of old DC Talk stuff and Newsboys stuff.

Just before Newsboys went on, a fellow representing a mission organization came out and spoke to the crowd. During his short sermon, he pressed hard the idea that God is pleased by what we do - go and feed the poor, and we will be judged kindly. He hammered the Matthew 25 passage, which is one that I am particularly fond of myself. However, the angle with which he approached the topic (to say nothing of the mission he was pushing itself, more on that later) worried me.

It reminded me very much of the old tent-revival hell-pushers of the past century. Before, the message was personal salvation: 'Repent, or you'll burn in Hell! God is an ANGRY God, and He is ANGRY at your sins!'

Now, the message I heard is all too similar: 'Go feed the Poor, or you'll burn in Hell! God is an ANGRY God, and He is ANGRY at the injustice you support!'

I don't like the angry-God approach. I do not find it Biblical, necessary, or even helpful. Should we be feeding the poor because we're afraid God will smite us if we don't? Or should we be saying, 'what is the heart of Christ? How did He live? What did He do?' This is a much more complex question than WWJD. To answer this question we must be willing to tackle huge issues, including systemic corruption, systematic abuse of the world's resources, and a prevailing flood of apathy mixed with guilt from the First World... which brings me to my next point.

This man boasted about the huge number of houses his organization had built in Mexico over the past year. I believe the number was somewhere around 1,500 houses, built by 25,000 volunteers, but I could be off on that. Needless to say, it was a large number. This man was obviously proud of how much they had 'helped the poor', although much more needed to be done.

All I could think to myself was 'what about the carpenters?' How did the local economy fair after the houses were built? did the people in the houses have jobs, or even skills? Wouldn't it have been more helpful to send 100 trained professionals down, and have them train the local population how to build their own houses, thereby supplying them with both shelter and profession?

Africa's textile industry has collapsed in the past ten years because of the massive glut of second-hand First-world clothing that is hauled over there in containers every year. Gives you something to think about.

So, what is the answer? I don't have anything specific, but I do have ideas.

First, we should never guilt anyone into anything. Having mercy is a much different thing than feeling guilty. Guilt paralyzes and condemns. Mercy reaches out and lifts up. Yes, we should feel upset about the abuse and affluence of the First World. Yes, we should want to go. But holding Hellfire over my head is not going to make me want to follow you. In fact, it may make me want to do the opposite.

Second, is not the attitude that we must go help in order to save ourselves from Hell, as McLaren puts it, the ultimate ego trip? Am I truly helping because I believe that the poor are worth something, are precious, and deserve love, or am I helping because I don't want to go to Hell? What about the Hell they are already living in? Shouldn't that be a motivator?

Third, if we are going to engage in Mission, we must be willing to do the hard work of examing the organization we are going with, and examining the culture we are going in to. We must work with the local population to make sure that any help given is sustainable and neccessary. Just doing something because we feel bad that the poor mexicans don't have houses is not good enough.

Well, there are my thoughts. Off to homework..

Interactions

2009-03-21T23:28:00.001-07:00

Well, it's 'personal post' day! Just as a reminder, I'll be posting on a different blog every other day - this is my personal thoughts about life and faith and junk, while jordanshawphotography.com is more work and photography related. That one was last updated Thursday, and will be updated next on Monday. This one will be updated next on Wednesday, and so on.

The past week has been all about interactions and reactions. I will start at the beginning.

Yesterday I went for lunch with an old friend of mine, whom I hadn't seen in quite some time. Hanging out with her and telling her about my past couple months reminded me why I love life so much. I realized yesterday afternoon that I had forgotten to really enjoy life for the last couple months. Yes, I had fun, and laughed with friends, and screamed on roller coasters, and maybe even shed a tear here or there - but I really felt... muted. Like I was just plowing through, just getting by.

Yesterday I realized that I had woken up, and how good it felt. It felt good to truly care again, to truly laugh.

Now, I'm overwhelmed still. Lots to do, no time to do it in. But the stress I've been feeling in the past has melted.. Not gone, but definitely softened.

Today I spent most of the day in the library studying a theology of the City for a paper due Monday. And for the first time in some time, I actually enjoyed it. I remembered why I'm here, and why I love it so much. What God reveals about Himself in a simple little story from thousands of years ago is incredible.

This afternoon I met with a couple who are going to be married soon, and to see the love in their eyes was inspiring, and I remembered why I enjoy being with and learning from other people.

Tonight, I watched Lars and The Real Girl, and I realized how important each of our interactions are.

And just now I got home from a walk with another friend, who helped me to realize how important honesty and friendship really are.

I feel good. I feel alive. Tomorrow may be another story, but tonight I'm cherishing it.

Goodnight.

Parable of the Talents: A 'new' interpretation

2009-03-12T22:21:00.000-07:00

Well, I don't know if this interpretation is actually new or not, but I've never heard it before. I'm not claiming anything original, but this interpretation made this parable finally make sense to me. Feel free to disagree and point out where my theology errs.

This afternoon in Chapel we had a speaker talk on the Parable of the Talents, as found in Matthew 25:14-30. For those unfamiliar with the passage, here is a Cliff's Notes version:

Jesus is nearing the end of his journeys on Earth, and is talking to His disciples about the end times and the coming of the Kingdom of Heaven. Immidiately prior to this parable is the parable of the ten virgins, five who were prepared for the coming of the Master, and five who weren't. Immidiately following the parable I'll be speaking about is the parable of the sheep and the goats, where the Shepherd seperates those who fed Him, clothed Him, visited Him, and healed Him, from those that didn't. Both sides say the same thing: 'When, Lord? When did we do these things?' He answers that 'Truly I say to you, as you did it to the least of these my brothers, you did it to me'.

Alright, now that we have the context, let's look at this parable. Here, the Master leaves his servants in charge of various amounts of 'talents' while He is away on a long journey. To one servant he gives 5 talents, to another 2 talents, and to another 1. Once he leaves, the first and second servants invest their talents, and by the time the Master has returned, they have doubled his money. The Master says to them, 'well done, god and faithful servant'.

The third servant, however, says this to the Master: 'Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you gathered no seed. So I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here you have what is yours.'

The Master replies: 'You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed? Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I would have received what was my own with interest. So take the talent from him and give it to him who has ten talents. For to everyone who has will more more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'

There are two very common interpretations of this passage. First, the talents are interpreted literally, as money or resources. A talent in this context is a unit of weight measurement for silver. The speaker on Thursday said that one talent was worth roughly 20,000 dollars - in my ESV Bible the footnote says one talent was worth 20 years' labour for a bondservant. Essentially what he was giving was an enormous amount of resources. The literal interpretation goes something like this: We have been given wealth by God, and it is our job to invest it wisely and use it for Godly purposes. While this may be one interpretation, it seems to be a little weak to me. For one thing, it does not give any reason why the Master (God) should be described as a hard man.

The second interpretation is that the talents in the parable are, well, talents. Skills, things we're good at, passions - using talented people for God's work. Squandering your talent, or not investing yourself wisely in the Kingdom, will lead to what talents you have getting taken away. This is the track that the speaker Thursday took, and personally I think there are some huge problems with it.

1. Talent in this context would not have meant to the original audience what the word talent means to us now. It would have meant a weight measurement of money, not a skill set. In all honesty, a different word should probably be used in the translation here, because the word talent doesn't mean to us what it meant to them.

2. This interpretation still doesn't explain adequately the Master being a 'hard' man. The speaker I heard interpreted it to mean that the servant thought the man was hard, but that doesn't explain all the stuff about harvesting what he didn't sow, etc.

I propose that there is a third interpretation, and I open it with this:

What is the currency of the Kingdom of Heaven?

What if this parable isn't about talents at all, in the same way that the ten virgins parable isn't actually about virgins, and the farmer sowing the seed parable isn't actually about seeds?

What if the talents are Love?

Now, love does not adequately describe what I'm getting at here, but hopefully it will suffice. There used to be a term called Christian Charity, but that is confusing language in today's culture, where we equate charity with simply giving things away. What I am talking about is Love that comes from the Spirit, Love that pours from God and spills from you to those around you. Love that gives you 'Christ Eyes' for those around you who are hurting or weak or naked.

Now, everyone responds to the love of Christ differently, and everyone expresses that love differently. Notice in v. 15 where it says that the Master 'gave each according to His ability'. Some people have a HUGE capacity for loving others. They seem to go, and go, and go, and never get bogged down in the weariness or discouragement of the world. Others are a little more reserved, quieter, and more careful with how they approach God and others. This does not make them worse (I believe I am one who would be given two talents as opposed to 5), because you can see in v. 21 and 23, both those with two talents and five get exactly the same reward. They were responsible with the Love they were given, and spread it and multiplied it in any way they could.

The third servant was given one talent. Again, this is a HUGE amount of money, taken literally. It is not 'just' one talent. He was given according to his ability. Perhaps this individual was a little more introverted, or a little more wary around people. Maybe he had been burned sharing love in the past, and his capacity for love was less. Again, this did not make him a bad person - the Master trusted him with more than he could produce himself in a lifetime. I see this as the Master saying 'here, I know you've been hurt. I know you aren't comfortable with this. Take what I give you, and use it wisely.' Anyone who has handled money before knows that with more money comes more responsibility and more complications... I think that same principle can be applied here. The Master was showing grace on the third servant, not looking down on him.

And so we come to the second part of the story. The first two invested the Love of God in any way possible, and reaped huge benefits through those risky ventures. Loving is always a risk - especially when loving on Christ's terms.

The third servant, however, saw the Master as a 'hard man', and rather than risking, rather than trying, he buried the love as deep as he could. He kept it contained, locked up, only for him and him alone. 'It will suffice,' he perhaps thought, 'to give back to God what he gave me. That's good enough, isn't it? I don't feel safe risking that love on those who might throw it away. What if I wind up with less? What if I get burned out? What if I screw up?'

But you see, this guy didn't get it, just as those who are identified with the goats in the next parable didn't get it. In the upside-down economy of the Kingdom, the only way to gain is to give it away. Love not shared, not spread, not given, ceases to be love at all. It becomes something else, like religious zeal, or pride or even envy. Love not shared becomes poisoned and worthless. Is it any wonder the Master was displeased? 'You didn't get it... I thought you understood! I gave it to you, so that you could do likewise, but instead you hardened your heart and buried it. This isn't love, because you still don't understand what love is.'

What about the Master being a hard man? Well, I believe Christ is hard. What he asks us to do with what He has given us is, to be blunt, stupid. We are to show the Love of the Kingdom to the broken, to the weak, to the naked, to those the world sees as worthless. It simply doesn't make sense. Also, if you don't understand what is going on, it seems that Christ is reaping where he didn't sow, and gathering what he did not scatter. How can love be found in the eyes of a drug addict? Christ can't possibly be there, can he? How can a Muslim or a Hindu find connections between his or her faith and Christianity, in such a way that he or she is drawn to Christ? Christ didn't plant those seeds, did He? What right does He have in harvesting them anyway? What right do we have calling people away from their own fields and into the fields of Christ? From the viewpoint of the third servant, it simply doesn't make sense.

But even there, Christ is compassionate. in V. 27, I read 'Look, I get it that you don't understand. I know you were afraid. But the least you could have done was give it to someone who could have used it! You could have at least invested into a charity or an organization, at least sponsored a child! It wouldn't have been ideal - I would have preferred you go to be with the poor yourself - but it would have been something.'

How are we showing the love of Christ today? How am I showing the love of Christ today? Am I burying it, and hoarding it for myself, afraid to share it with those I see as unlovable? Or am I taking this love of Christ I have been given, and spreading it as far and wide as I possibly can? Am I sharing with the Least Of These? Am I looking the homeless man in the eye? Am I truly loving, in word, action, and spirit?

When we Love, more love will be given. But if we shut up that love and bury it, even that love we have will be revealed to not be love at all.

Well, there it is. I know, it's long. But I think it's important. Let me know what you think.

what to do...

2009-03-08T16:08:00.000-07:00

So I have this desire to start blogging again. I'm moving to East Hastings in a little over a month, and I want to get back into the practice of keeping a regular blog.

Now here is the question: Do I start this one up again, a little hole-in-the-wall Blogger.com blog, or do I go full-out on my jordanshawphotography blog?

decisions, decisions.

Life.

2008-10-17T23:19:00.000-07:00

I haven't kept a journal in a long, long time. I guess it's time to start again.

Life is amazing right now. I feel great about myself, I'm exactly where I should be, and I think God is preparing and shaping me in ways I'm only beginning to understand. This last week has been moving and emotional, but powerful and exciting as well.

Tomorrow is Students on Service day, our first real event with the MLC. I hoping for nice weather, but we'll see..... And then Sunday is a quick trip into Vancouver for (hopefully) some cool and cheap clothes... and then back at the books on Monday.

It's hard to believe it's mid-semester already. I'm a little scared at how quickly time is sleeping away from me.. I've got to enjoy and soak up this time while I can.

back at it.

2008-08-23T22:39:00.000-07:00

I'm back in Abbotsford, after an extended jaunt prawn fishing and living in Ucluelet. Wow, is it good to be back.

I'm living with Adam Roper and Steve Kim in an apartment right beside the school, which is handy. It will be an interesting year - we're all three very distinct personalities, and I'm excited to see how we mesh.

What else is new? I am the proud owner of a moped - an '83 Honda Passport. I'm taking 16 credits, and chairing the missions committee, and working (hopefully). I have a new camera coming, thanks to a very fortunate insurance claim. And I am excited for the year in which I turn a quarter-century.

What I have to do now: Get my 'L' bike license, find a helmet, and buy a gasket set for my scooter. All in a day's work...

Finally off the boat

2008-07-01T11:05:00.001-07:00

I've spent my last night on the Polara, and today i'm in transit to Victoria. Public transit always takes far longer than I think it should, but such is life. In roughly two hours I'll be on the ferry, and in 4 hours I will hopefully be drinking a Canada day beer in downtown Victoria, before watching some fireworks.

I could have hung around the boat for another day and driven home myself, but I needed to go. The quicker i'm done with the boat the better, and today was a good day to make a break for it.

Changing stages is always interesting. I actually enjoy the feeling of culture shock... There is something invigorating about it. It forces you to realize that there is a whole world going on out there, interacting, communicating, loving, crying. What an exciting planet to be a part of. So many stories to see, share, and be a part of.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

More running

2008-06-29T17:27:00.001-07:00

Off of nanaimo now... Still another 5 hours to go or so, but our odyssey is almost at an end. I'm looking forward to... Well, everything, really. Mostly people though. I really miss people. Weird. I can't wait to be simply sitting with friends and maybe drinking a beer and just being together. Friends are important. Community is important.

See you all soon.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Back

2008-06-28T11:53:00.000-07:00

Well, we're back off the coast of Vancouver island, finally. Still two more days of running before we get to steveston, but it's beginning to feel More and more like home.

I might go and do some visiting next weekend; nanaimo, qwanoes, and Victoria, if all goes as planned. We'll see how it pans out though. It'll just be good to be back on solid ground again.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Last delivery

2008-06-24T09:31:00.000-07:00

Well, I've got three days of fishing left before I head to Vancouver.

It's going to be great to be done, but at the same time i'm unsure about what i'm doing when I finish. I could go home, but without a vehicle it would be a very long couple months, I think. I could go back to Abbotsford and look for work... I could even go to Victoria and look for work there I suppose.

I'm sure something will work out. If anyone has any suggestions, let me know... And if anyone has a car they want to give me, let me know that as well ;)

See some of you soon, and others in September! I hope everyone is having a good spring/summer, and that god is using you wherever you are to bless those around you.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

10 more days

2008-06-16T20:11:00.001-07:00

And then what? Two months with no definition, no form. I never thought of myself as one who needs a plan in order to function well, but maybe I am. I just wish I knew what I was doing, and why. Well, long term I do... It's just these next two months that are really undefined. Anyone on the island have a vehicle they want to loan me? Or how about a job?

Life rolls on... It always does. God is, and will, and has been taking care of me. There is more to come in this story.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Still alive

2008-06-05T20:14:00.001-07:00

Well, I've finished three fishing trips now, and we've got one more to go, and then I am done! So far its been pretty good money, but long.... Building character, I suppose. I'll be done around the end of June, and then on to something else... What, i'm not quite sure yet.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

April 28

2008-04-29T14:52:00.000-07:00

April 28, 2008
7:32 PM

Today we pulled up the test traps, with some success, and continued running north. Unfortunately, we wound up having to turn around about four or five hours out, because Tony's motor died - apparantly some repairs that were done recently fouled up, and his fuel injector blew. So we wound up wasting a couple hours turning around to get him, tieing his boat behind ours, and taking off again. We might run all night tonight - don't really know. But we're getting closer and closer to the grounds we hope to fish, in the long, narrow inlets and fjords surrounding Bella Coola.

Laura is extremely neorotic, to the point of mild OCD. It can get extremly wearisome, but I'm pretty good at putting my head down and letting it roll off my back. I'm also new, which excuses me to ask questions, and to not be offended when she tells me how to do something for the millionth time. Ollie, on the other hand, gets pretty frustrated with her. He's been fishing with her for four years, and could probably run the boat himself without any major problems. But Laura still treats him (and everyone else) as if they don't comprehend what she does, even though we've already thought about it (and sometimes done it) before she's even asked. The problem with this is if it already has been done, She'll make us go and check or do it again, even if it was perfectly fine the first time.

Anyhow, I'm pretty good about not getting bugged by this. If her and Ollie start yelling, I just put my nose in my book, or back to whatever task I'm doing, and wait it out... I think it'll be better once we start actually fishing. And regardless, It's only a couple months, and they're both good people. Tony, Laura's husband, is one of the most patient men I have ever met - Laura gives him all kinds of crap, and he just stays quiet and lets it blow over. Which, with Laura, is all you can really do.

Two more days til the opening - tomorrow will be spent running and test-fishing, and then Wednesday we build the gear and get ready to do the first set. Then we set on Thursday, and wait and see what we get. Hopefully we hit good spots right off the bat, and then we just hit groundhog day - same thing, every day, for two weeks, when we unload. And then we go and do it again. And again. And again. And then we go home.

I'm looking forward to actually fishing - I practiced boxing with some of the prawns we caught for the test fishery, and I'm starting to get the feel for it. I think I'll pick it up quicker than I first expected. Not having to box the mediums helps too - they're all getting tailed and frozen, which is a pain, but makes the boxing go faster, as there will only be Larges and X-Larges, and the occasional box of Jumbo, to sort through.

Whatever. Money is money, and this ain't a bad way to earn a living. I'll definitly be glad to be back on the island once I'm done though.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

April 27

2008-04-29T14:49:00.000-07:00

6:52 AM

We've decided to start running north, in the company of Tony's little sporty and a bigger sports boat. I get the feeling the Laura doesn't have many friends in the fishing industry - she is a bit of a neurotic person, with somthing of a persecution complex. I imagine that these traits have not allowed her to make many friends - she is too worried about others competing for her piece of the pie. Not unusual among fishermen, and to be a woman in an industry dominated by males must not be easy.

The weather looks ugly out there. Brooding grey skies and turbulent water. We're still on the inside, so no real seas yet, but from the looks of things they are coming. And on a little aluminum boat like this, it doesn't take very big seas to make the ride uncomfortable.

10:18 PM

We're tied up in a little ancient BC Packers plant somewhere up the coast. Haven't had cell reception all day, and probably won't have it again until we're done. I'm going through a bit of a withdrawl, but nothing bad so far.

Good evening - I got the chance to take some pictures, and I enjoyed poking around the old plant. By tomorrow night we should be near the fishing grounds... On with the adventure.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Accident?

2008-04-29T13:53:00.000-07:00

I just heard about the stage collapse? At the starfield concert.. Was anyone I know there? Send me an email and let me know everyone is all right... Jordan.w.Shaw@gmail.com
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Bella coola

2008-04-28T21:58:00.000-07:00

I have cell signal! Ill be checking my email once every couple weeks, so send me an email and let me know how your summer is going... Help keep me sane!
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Quotes from the shack

2008-04-26T20:38:00.000-07:00

A couple choice quotes from The Shack which hit home for me:

"When you chose independence over relationship, you became a danger to each other. Others became objects to be manipulated or managed for your own happiness. Authority, as you usually think of it, is merely an excuse the strong use to make others conform to what they want." - Sarayu, in The Shack

"Mackenzie, you really don't understand yet. You try to make sense of the world in which you live based on a very small and incomplete version of reality. It is like looking at a parade through the tiny knothole of hurt, pain, self-centeredness, and power, and believing you are on your own and insignificant. All of those are powerful lies... [you see] God as the ultimate betrayer, or perhaps at least fundamentally untrustworthy. You dictate the terms and judge my actions and find me guilty. The real underlying flaw is that you don't think I am good. If you knew I was good, and that everything-the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives-is all covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me. But you don't.

You cannot produce trust just like you cannot 'do' humility. It either is, or is not. Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me.

You can't [change that], not alone. But together we will watch that change take place. For now I just want you to be with me and discover that our relationship is not about performance or you having to please me. I'm not a bully, not some self-centered demanding little deity insisting on my own way. I am good, and I desire only what is best for you. You cannot find that through guilt or condemnation or coercion, only through a relationship of love. And I do love you. - Papa, in The Shack

When I dwell with you, I do so in the present - I live in the present. Not the past, although much can be remembered and learned by looking back, but only for a visit, not an extended stay. And for sure, I do not dwell in the future you visualize or imagine. do you realize that your imagination of the future, which is almost always dictated by fear of some kind, rarely, if ever, pictures me there with you? [Why, you ask?] It is your desperate attempt to get some control over something you can't. It is impossible for you to take power over the future because it isn't even real, nor will it ever be real. You try and play God, imagining the evil that you fear becoming reality, and then you try and make plans and contingencies to avoid what you fear.

[This is] because you don't believe. You don't know that we love you. The person who lives by their fears will not find freedom in my love. I am not talking about rational fears regarding legitimate dangers, but imagined fears, and especially the projection of those into the future. To the degree that those fears have a place in your life, you neither believe I am good nor know deep in your heart that I love you. You sing about it; you talk about it, but you don't know it. - Jesus, in The Shack
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

April 26

2008-04-26T20:35:00.000-07:00

April 26, 2008
Well, I'm sitting in Cambpell River on the morning of the second day of my fishing adventure. Laura and Ollie are both characters in their own way - Laura is at this moment telling me some story - I don't really know what about, I lost track a while ago. Ollie is a cool guy, and I'm learning to take my cues from him - let Laura talk, and then do what needs to be done. Good times.

I'm slowly adjusting to boat life again - And if you have to be on a boat, this one is pretty comfy. Huge cabin, and comfy, super-wide bunks. I sleep on the floor of the cab with a sleeping mat, and it's pretty awesome to actually be able to roll over when sleeping on a boat. Not used to that.

I'm in the middle of reading The Shack right now. It's not bad. He's not the best writer I've ever read, but he makes some very complex theology approachable, and has some very neat ideas about who God is and why He needs the community of the Trinity, something I had never thought about before... which is awesome, because I'm finding it sometimes hard to find theological issues that I haven't wrestled with at least a little bit. When I find something, it keeps me humble. I never want to stop learning.

EDIT 6:13 PM: Finished the book tonight, and it blew me away. Still, not incredible prose, but he says what he needs to get the job done. Some of the ways he phrases his thoughts moved me almost to tears. I found nothing I disagreed with severely, although several of his ideas or definitly unorthodox. I didn't find all that much that was new ideas to me either. But what I found was a beautiful book which captured some of the complexities of God in a way that makes sense, and in a way that hits home big time. He takes a couple stabs at calvinism, which I appreciated, but also at the idea of complete and total free will apart from God. As Dylan says, you gotta serve somebody.

We're in Port McNeil now, where we're getting fuel and preparing for the next leg up the coast to the Bella Bella / Bella Coola area. No cell-phone reception up there, probably... which means being cut off entirely from the outside world. Hopefully that's a good thing.

PS: I can't respond or read comments on this blog, as I'm blogging from my Blackberry - If you want to talk about my thoughts, send me an email at jordan.w.shaw@gmail.com and I'll get back to you if I have cell reception.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

The shack

2008-04-26T12:34:00.000-07:00

If you read one book this summer, read The Shack, by William young. It will impact your life.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Running

2008-04-25T18:11:00.000-07:00

Running a boat up-island is somehow different than flying, although the principle is the same: forced relaxation. There Isn't much to do besides read, think, and type lame Blog posts on my blackberry before I run out of cell signal.

Sometimes too much thinking is just as bad as not enough. And I just can't stop thinking, and it is driving me mad.

I think I need to do some reading.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

And away we go!

2008-04-25T13:05:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm aboard the boat, and heading north. No cell service where we're going, but its a sweet little boat, and good guys, it seems.

Four days we'll be up near bella bella. Wish me luck!
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

The last night

2008-04-24T23:31:00.000-07:00

11.30 PM thursday night. I'm walking back after dropping off Ben's truck, and realizing that 24 hours from now I will be in a completely different place. I'm not looking forward to prawning very much. It's going to be long and wet and cold. And I'm going to miss life here. But it will be good as well. I need some space to hear from God and to refocus. This semester has been really tough in a lot of ways, and really amazing as well. I hope I get the chance to work out what God has been doing in me, and the lessons that I'm learning.

Anything good is worth waiting for, and worth working at. There is more to the story yet to come.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Test

2008-04-22T14:54:00.000-07:00

Will this work? We'll see...
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

North Vancouver

2008-04-22T14:22:00.000-07:00

Well, I just finished a day's worth of watching dumb videos telling me how to inflate an auto-inflating liferaft. Stimulating. I wonder what the theological implications of that are?

So now I'm sitting in an internet Cafe waiting for Alan to get off work so I can get my stuff I left in his place and head out towards Maple Ridge, where I get to play with fire extinguishers tomorrow.

The closer I get to this summer the more nervous I get. I guess that's normal, though... I realized today that I've forgotten all of my knots. I'll have a bit of a learning curve the first week or so...

On a side note, I've figured out how to move notes from my powerbook to my Blackberry, which in turn lets me email them, which is cool. Now, if I can just figure out a way to get them on my blog, I'd be completely set.

Transition time... It was weird bs'ing with fishermen and tug workers today after spending a year with Bible School students. I kind of enjoy how easily I can slip into either world... gotta watch my tongue though, or I'm going to return to CBC swearing like a sailor, quite literally.

Well, I'm pretty much just rambling to waste time, I've got another hour and a half to kill.

The worst part is I haven't got much sleep the last couple nights, as I've been sleeping on floors (Roper's sunday night, Alan's last night) so I can't even really think of anything profound to say. That and I've had two mochas today, so I'm starting to get jittery.

Does changing places alter perspective?

2008-04-20T20:33:00.000-07:00

I think in some ways it does...

I'm all moved out of my apartment now, and at Roper's for tonight at least. It's nice, in a way - more space... I'm just hanging out with Jason Wood, who's living here for the summer, and chatting playing on my computer.

Adam drinks a lot of tea, I appreciate that about him.

I've just been reflecting on this year a bit... It's been a really good one. Some big hurdles along the way, but I think each of those have helped me move forward in a positive manner, bringing me closer in step with Christ (I hope). And isn't that the goal? Less of me, more of Him?

How does that happen without losing identity? Someone once told me that as we become more like Christ, we become more like ourselves - that Christ doesn't destroy our personality and gifts, but illuminates them and accentuates them. I become more 'me' with Christ than I would on my own.

I wonder if that is true? I think it must be.

I've got one more real day in Abbotsford, and then I'm off hopping around the Lower Mainland for the week, before ending up in Nanaimo to begin my fishing adventure for two months. I'm a little anxious about that - two months without a break is long. But it's not that hard of work, and the pay is good, and I have plenty of books to read in the evenings. Oh, and I *should*, God willing, have cell coverage, which means access to my email and texting... which will help to keep me sane (I hope).

Highlights from this past year:

Running sound for Vespers
Listening to rock music for class
New Orleans
UMA
Meeting, and increasing, friendships - Alan, Ashley, Roper, Hoos, Andrea, Laurie, Scott, Jason, and Angela... The friendships I've made this year have really meant something. I've learnt so much from so many people.
Good beer
Good food
Effective Relationships (the class)
Getting my camera

Man, a lot of memories. I feel like I've changed so much this year. It's interesting, because I remember last March-April feeling like I was on the brink - like life was bringing me somewhere that was going to change my entire paradigm. And now, looking back, I think that was true.

Where from here? How will I change over this next year? Only God knows. But I'm holding His hand, and so I'm confident that the journey will continue exactly as it should.

One more...

2008-04-15T22:23:00.000-07:00

I've got my last exam of the year tomorrow morning. It'll be good to get it over with. And then, packing, moving out, figuring out a vehicle for next week... on and on. By Friday or Saturday of next week I'll be gone fishing for 60+ days. Crazy.

I hope this summer is awesome. I really do.

I had a bit of a rough evening, dealing with doubts and fears tonight. Sometimes I'm so sure of myself it verges (or dives headfirst) into arrogance, and other times I'm so unsure I don't even know which way to turn. It scares me. I wish I could be more consistent. Sometimes I care too much, other times not enough....

Blah. I just wish life were simple sometimes, that everything would work out like a story, that I wouldn't play headgames with myself, that....

God is good. If there's one thing I've hung on to this semester, it is that. He is good, and He has a plan. And so in the midst of my self-doubt and worry and junk, I know He is there, and He is watching out for me. I'm holding on to His hand, and His plan - the best plan - will work out in the end. God is good.

I just wish I could see the future sometimes... but I guess that wouldn't work, because the future hasn't been written yet, because it's based upon our choices that we are making right now, this very second.

So I trust in God, and hold on for the ride. Sometimes it sucks, and sometimes it's amazing - and in the end, all things work for the good of those who trust in Him and work according to His purpose.

Like my dad says, anything, anything, given to God turns out better than had it not happened. and I really believe that.

two weeks left...

2008-03-28T16:38:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe that another week has come and gone. Thankfully, this one has been a lot more positive than the last one. I had Easter weekend with my family, which was a terrific experience. They all decided to go to my ramshackle church, and absolutely loved it... it was interesting, apparently it's a lot like the church they grew up in, but which had changed drastically by the time I was born. I managed to stumble on a church so similar to theirs that it astounded them. Cool.

So Easter was great. I then had a couple harrowing days of completing a handful of assignments which involved a couple very late nights. Those done, I feel like I've turned a page on the 'busy' time, although I still have a bunch of assignments due this week, I feel I'll be able to keep on top of them alright.

Alan stumbled on a wicked cellphone deal midweek, and so I used his referral and got one as well - I'm now the proud owner of a red Blackberry Pearl. I like it a lot. I got it for 10 bucks (!) with a 50$/month 3-year dealie, which includes free unlimited email, 2500 texts (!)/month, voice mail, caller ID, and free evenings and weekends starting at 6PM. Not bad, if I do say so myself.

I also tried a new beer, Maudite from Quebec. Very tasty. and now it's the weekend, and I need to get some homework done.

This week

2008-03-22T00:35:00.000-07:00

How do we know what is right? How do we know what is good? Christ is good. Did He have to worry about guarding his heart, about trusting too much? Or was he immune to such fears, by virtue of being God? I think patience is a big part of my journey right now. I am not a very patient person, and that is not a positive thing. If there is one thing I’ve been learning this past week, it’s that being patient is a necessary thing.
Who am I? Am I simply an observer of life, or a participant?

I am Jordan Shaw, and I trust you.

Is that a healthy title? Is it one that I should be proud of? Does it make me naive, dumb, easily hurt? Possibly. But what’s the alternative? How can I not trust? How can I not be trustworthy? These are my characteristics. To stop trusting would be to stop breathing, to stop dreaming. Can trust survive with caveats? I trust you, but I must protect myself? I trust you, but I must guard my heart? To trust, and to be trusted. Am I worthy of trust? Is anyone? How do I trust wisely? In the end, I trust Christ. And because I trust Christ, and believe He has the best possible plan, I can rest in the fact that He knows what He’s doing, even when I don’t. I may screw up, but He does not. He is completely trustworthy, and because I trust Him, I feel I can trust others, while continually leaning on His wisdom... which is sometimes shown through my friends. Am I less confused? No. But I know what direction I am going, even if the path is windy and unpredictable and at times really painful.
I am following Him, and holding on to His hand.

Tonight was Host Appreciation Night. Basically I was treated to dinner and a play in Vancouver with the other Collegium hosts. It has been a great evening, and a terrific end to a long week. The play was an amalgamation of several different fairy tales, with a liberal dash of humor thrown in, along with a side of morality and a healthy heaping of music. All in all, a great time. I love live theatre, and should really partake in it more often. And tomorrow is Easter Saturday, and my family is in town. Hopefully it will be a great day.

Coincidences and opportunities

2008-03-17T22:21:00.000-07:00

So one year ago almost exactly, I was sitting in Prince Rupert feeling really sorry for myself. I'd been sitting there for almost three weeks, waiting for the Herring spawn so I could get out of that town as fast as possible. I was living on a boat with two yahoos who couldn't construct a proper sentence, and I was feeling miserable.

Finally, I picked a church out of the phonebook and wound up going to a little church which had an interim pastor named Paul Zalinko. A 15-minute conversation I had with him turned into one of the major stepping-stones in my life, bringing me to where I am today. I was thinking about ministry before talking to him, but that conversation was the first time I seriously thought about it.

fast-forward to last Friday, and I get an email from Paul saying he's been living in Abbotsford since September, and wondering if I want to have supper with him and his family? Well, I'm a student, of course I do.

So that was tonight, and it was a terrific time of catching up and talking about church and post-modernity and family and etc. And it looks like I may possibly get a job out of it too!

Paul owns two HUGE bouncy castles, and has a plan to hit all the major festivals on Vancouver Island during July and August. He's got one guy lined up, and a second 'maybe', but if the maybe falls through, I've probably got the spot... and it's good money. Really good. I'd be working weekends, and get to go camping and other fun summery stuff during the weekdays, with the possibility of maybe working one day a week and a still-secret location.

Anyhow, if it works out, I'll make some decent coin, have a blast of a summer, ON THE ISLAND, and still have the flexibility I need to get back to school in time. Does it get any better than that? Needless to say, I'm pretty stoked. I really hope it works out, because it will be a blast.

A new experience

2008-03-16T15:11:00.000-07:00

I went to church this morning and during the worship service Andy, one of the pastors, came and prayed over me and spoke what I assume were words from God.

Call it prophecy, call it listening prayer, call it whatever you want, it was amazing. What he said was exactly what I needed to hear, and I've never talked to the man in my life.

Now, I'm quite a skeptic when it comes to this sort of thing, but it moved me deeply, to tears. It shook me up. He even used the same kind of terminaology I've been using myself lately, calling my life 'a story, and part of God's story'. He told me I have lots of options before me, but not to be daunted by that... it all sounds vague now when I think back on it, but at the time it was what I needed to hear.

One thing he said struck me deeply: He said I'm in the process of making decisions right now that will make others think I'm a fool, going completely against the grain, but to know that even as I become a fool in the eyes of others, I am still beautiful in God's eyes.

This is exactly what I'm going through right now. I'm in the process of making huge decisions which will impact the rest of my life, and the options that I am seriously considering are foolish by most peoples' standards. And yet, I know it is Right.

It was so neat to have such an affirmation out of the blue like that. It really hit home to me, and gave me confidence that I am doing the right thing.

ruminations on the past week

2008-03-14T18:41:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I went on UMA, AKA CBC's mandatory weekend on East Hastings (stands for Urban Mission Adventure). It drastically impacted my life.

60-70% AIDS rate, as high as Botswana, a country in the middle of Africa.
90% Hap C rate.
40% First Nations.
40-50% Foster kids.
100% of the girls, and 50-70% of the guys sexually abused before winding up on Hastings.
50% with diagnosable mental illness, but probably close to 100% dealing with some sort of mental instability.

It hurts. I want to help fix it - I want to do something. Because despite the evil of addiction and the broken people, it is still one of the friendliest communities in the Lower Mainland. Far friendlier than Abbotsford, that's for sure. Where else can you walk up to nearly anyone on the street and say 'hey, do you want to tell me your story?' and have someone actually respond with anything other than an incredulous stare?

I realized that that is where I am supposed to be. For the 2009/2010 year, I plan on living on East Hastings and working with an organization that will take me. Right now, I'm hoping for The Salvation Army, and to work with their War College / 614 community, but we'll see. All I know is that my near future is tied with those who are least, last, and horribly lost in their addictions. I want to be a light, and to be an outlet for them to share their stories in words and pictures.

Is it bizarre that I feel more comfortable walking around the streets of East Hastings and the surrounding area, than I do the streets of Abbotsford?

The rest of this week has been interesting and challenging, both personally and academically. Academically, I had my OT midterm, which was 13 stages of torture. Hopefully I did all right.

Personally, I've just a got a lot going on. I hope I'm on the right track, but time will tell. But hey, you never get anywhere by sitting around asking what ifs. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. At this point, I'm not too worried about making a fool of myself. I don't know if that's good or bad. We'll see.

I also went out to see Isaac, my brother who had surgery on Wednesday. He's doing a lot better, and already hobbling around on his crutches a little. It'll be six months before he is 'better', and he may never have full use of his ankle again, but he will get to the point where it's not holding him back any more, which is awesome. Thursday night I went to see U2 3D again, which was again absolutely fantastic - even better when watching it with friends and family.

So now I'm back in Abby, avoiding homework like the plague, and wondering what to eat for supper. And listening to the newest Bored Again Christian podcast. Fantastic.

This life is crazy, an amazing adventure. I'm looking forward to the future, learning from the past, and enjoying the present - well, trying to enjoy the present. It's not always easy... it actually takes work. But understanding that is the first step to enjoyment I think...

New Orleans, day 7

2008-03-02T13:20:00.001-08:00

We slept in a little later, and then headed out to see downtown in the daylight, by way of one of the oldest trolleycar systems in the US. We also walked through a cemetery, gawking at the huge above-ground tombs dating back a century or more.

Downtown in the daylight reminded me of Victoria in the summer. There is obviously a huge arts community in downtown New Orleans, and every corner has a busker or interesting art shop or musician playing for tips. Ryan, Steve and I ate in a little cafe, listening to a live jazz band. I ate a fried shrimp po'boy, which is a glorified sandwich. it was delicious.

We spent some time wandering around the city, and then headed back to the MDS headquarters to pick up our bags.

The flight home was good. I got a chance to chat with Noah between NO and Minneapolis, and then with Jackie and Elise between Minneapolis and Seattle. We finally returned to CBC at about 2:45 PST, or about 4:45 our time, exhausted and happy.

New Orleans, day 6

2008-03-02T13:18:00.000-08:00

Great, productive day today. We got a lot finished on the house, and then wrapped up for the day at around 3:30 and headed home. After cleaning, showing, and getting ready, we took off to the French Quarter.
We ate in a great little place called the Gumbo Shop, with tiny tables and a great atmosphere. I sat with Christine, Jackie, Ryan (from MDS) and Stacy. It was good to eat great food and chat and generally have a great meal.
After food it was time to hit the streets. I struck out with Steve, Jackie, and Stacy and we covered a good portion of the French Quarter, poking into little random shops and seeing the sights. The Quarter reminded me a lot of Paris and parts of Germany, with narrow streets and balconies lining the road. The cap to the evening was a walk down Bourbon Street, a hive of scum and villany if ever there was one. Tons of strip clubs, alcohol everywhere, and lots and lots of people. And this was simply an ordinary Friday night – no special events or anything. The music was great, with live bands playing in many of the clubs, the music wafting above the noise of the crowds.
Bourbon street was an interesting experience. It was far gaudier than I was expecting, with blazing neon signs and kitschy shops. One of the big highlights was a strip joint with a pair of animatronic legs appearing and disappearing from above its signage. Bizarre and hilarious. Another highlight was a creepy old man (late fifties at least), dancing for some girls up on the balconies. He was obviously trying to get them to show some skin, and was obviously smashed and making a fool out of himself. It was great to watch and laugh. He wasn’t very successful.

I also got the chance to talk to some of the evangelists down on the street as well. One fellow set up a big white wooden cross with an LCD panel giving a fire-and-brimstone salvation method. It’s sad to see that the only message that many of these people are presented with has been so twisted. I also talked to another guy who was around my age, and seemed to have his heart in the right place. He was still handing out tracts, but he seemed very willing to actually enter into conversation with people rather than shoot them down and condemn them instantly. I still think that the majority of streetcorner evangelism is wrong and badly used, but I am beginning to wonder if there is a place for it, within the correct context.

Tomorrow we fly home, but we still get to spend the morning in the French Quarter before flying out at around 5:30 our time. And then it’s back to school.

New Orleans, day 4 and 5

2008-03-02T13:16:00.002-08:00

Lots of drywalling today. The weather has been getting nicer, which is awesome, but I’ve been working the same site all week, which isn’t what I was expecting.... less photo-taking opportunities. I’ve had a lot of time to think about my future, as well – especially this coming summer. I still have no idea what I’m going to be doing, which is a little disconcerting. Maybe prawning, maybe framing... I don’t know. I love that I have had the time to think about things like this though.

This has been a great experience, but I’m starting to become curious about what the next step is. Where from here? That is the question.

New Orleans, day 3

2008-03-02T13:16:00.001-08:00

Life is good. I’m getting to know the guys, and we have a lot of fun together. Today on the job we hung a lot of drywall, and laughed a lot.
It really strikes me how Third-World parts of this city looks. The street we are working on has a ton of garbage piled around, and most of the houses are empty and decaying. Many were breaking down and broken before the flood, and now are even worse. The poorest of the poor were hit the worst by Katrina, and now are worse off than before. It seems like we’re making so small of a dent in such a huge problem. But it is something, and that’s where it starts.

New Orleans, day 2

2008-03-02T13:15:00.000-08:00

First real day on the job today. I was working with Steve Berkanpas, Pearl, Jackie, and a few of the MDS guys. We’re rebuilding a house from the outside in, essentially – the type of house is called a ‘double shotgun’, which is essentially a small 4-5 room duplex. This one has five rooms and a small bathroom, and has been completely gutted because of the water damage. Today we worked on fiberglassing, and began to put up drywall on the ceilings and walls. All in all it was a good day, and I got some good shots. It’s interesting to work here – in many ways, it is a completely different culture, and one I’m not very comfortable with. We walked into a McDonald’s to use the washroom, and we were literally the only white people in the building. A new experience for me for sure.
Parts of the city feel like the Third World. There are piles of garbage lying around, and people sitting on street corners and porches just watching the world go by.

New Orleans trip day 1

2008-03-02T13:13:00.000-08:00

I love flying. I don’t know what it is, but I love being forced to sit by strangers in tight quarters, watching the world disappear beneath me. I love getting coke in undersized glasses and being free to sit and read what I want to read, and not feel like I need to be somewhere or do something. And I especially love getting on to the plane in one place, and getting off somewhere else. It’s a surreal experience.
We left from CBC at about 8 AM this morning, PST, and flew out of Seatac at 12:30. We had a layover in Houston for a couple hours, and enjoyed Crawfish and fries in a small resturant in the Houston Airport, and then had a short hop (45 minutes) over to New Orleans.
And now we are here, 11:32 PM local time, in an amazingly beautiful and creepy MDS headquarters. It was once an orphanage for the African-American community at one point.
This building is amazing, and I’m looking forward to taking some photos.
Wakeup time is 6:00, and now it is time to sleep.

Thursday

2008-02-14T16:41:00.001-08:00

Still sick. I'll have to go see a doctor tomorrow, probably. I hate my sinuses, but I'm sure they feel the same way about me.

I've found my new favorite term for Valentine's day: Singles Awareness Day. Thanks, Jamison. Glad to hear you're enjoying Switzerland.

Happy Hallmark Holiday, everyone.

Anyone want to go out to the Sheri Plett / Eisenhauer show in Langley tomorrow?

have nothing interesting to say right now. That's a little disappointing.

Wednesday

2008-02-13T16:57:00.000-08:00

I'm sick today. I've got a sinus something-or-other going on, and it's making me spacey, contemplative, a little depressed, and un-energetic. I don't like feeling like this, because it's not who I am... it makes me self-concious because I know I come across differently.

Meh.

I handed in two good-sized papers this week, one of which I'm really happy with, the other not so much. We'll see what the marks look like though.

If my life is an adventure book (the analogy I've been working with lately), then right now I feel like I'm in one of those quiet, almost-boring chapters that authors use to build suspense right before something happens. I get this sense of something on the horizon, something I can't quite reach, but definitely there. This might just be wishful thinking though.

What's the next step? What's around the next corner? where, when, how?

I don't like being sick.

Friday

2008-02-07T21:40:00.000-08:00

There are some times when I crave relationships. Now is one of those times.

Most of the time I enjoy being on my own, just doing my own thing. I work well alone, and enjoy being able to hear myself think. But sometimes I sit and realize that I really, really enjoy people, real interaction, the give and take of conversation, the investment in community.

Sometimes I realize that I don't have many friends. Then I realize that I'm not always a great friend to the ones I do have, so why should I have more? I barely seem to have time for the ones I've already got.

But on the other hand, community is good. Relationship is good. Why do I seem to keep having trouble with this? Why do I want community, friendship, relationship when I'm on my own, but I feel even lonlier in a crowd full of friends?

I woke up from a dream about an empty funeral
But is was better than the party full of people I don't really know
They've got hearts to break and burn
Dirty hands to feel the earth
There's something in my veins,
But I can't seem to make it work... won't work

So Carry Me,
I'm just a dead man
Lying on the carpet
Can't find a heartbeat
Make me breathe,
I want to be a new man
Tired of the old one
Out with the old plan

- Jars of Clay

I'm not really as depressed as this post sounds, not by a long shot. I know I have great friends around me, and a terrific community. Sometimes, though, I suppose it is good to look at the melancholy, so that the bright times appear all the more brighter.

The trick is to not be consumed by the melancholy, lest it swallow you whole, like some sort of ghostly beast. Hmm, that sounds like a story, or maybe a poem

Where am I going with this post?

I just really want to go on an adventure. Just for a day, forget about school and money and pressure, and just go somewhere, make a memory, and return.

Church

2008-02-03T13:26:00.001-08:00

I shift awkwardly in my chair. I feel out of place, a little alien. The service starts in five minutes. I’m seated at a round table, sound friends around me, we chat over the noise in the background. Someone yells something unintelligible, and I twist to see who it was, glancing over my shoulder, trying not to stare. The aide wipes up the face of the woman, maybe in her mid-forties, unable to talk or walk.

There are kids running between the tables, laughing with each other. No one seems to care, just as no one cares about the cacophony of grunts and ‘HO’s and that awkward breathing-in sound that only the disabled seem to be able to make.

A youngish guy with an old beaten-up guitar steps to the microphone in the corner of the room and launches into a worship song. No one quiets down; it’s hard to tell if anyone is even listening to him. On either side of him are two middle-aged women in wheel-chairs, microphones in front of them, volume turned on. They don’t have nice voices, the words can’t always be made out, but it is the sweetest sound I have ever heard.

The head pastor switches the overhead as we go into the next song. No digital projectors or computers or expensive equipment here – like the guitar, the projector has seen better days, as have the speakers and mikes. the screen lickers and turns off intermittently, and sometimes the pastor gets ‘distracted’ praying with someone or caring for them, and doesn’t change the slide in time. No one cares. Most know the words by heart anyway. I sing from my chair, and as I sing, I notice what is happening around me. The noise level hardly drops, the children do not sit still and listen intently, but all are worshipping. I look behind me at the wheel-chairs in a row, and see serene, contorted faces beaming as they mumble along with the words displayed on the dingy brick wall. To my right, families with little kids and young couples are singing along, some are dancing, all are coming before God in their own way. No one goes to the man mumbling too-loud in the back and tries to quiet him; no one goes to the kids and asks them to stop running around and sit still. I am crying, in Church, for the first time in years.

The songs end, and the pastor, an unshaven man in an unassuming sweater and jeans, stands at the front and speaks words of peace. No deep theology here – not much to wrestle with. God loves you, you are fogiven. Come, eat of His body, drink of His blood. We do, from little plastic cups and eat of torn up pita bread from a styrofoam plate. Some need to be helped. Some spill their grape juice on the way to their mouth and others must clean it up, because they can’t themselves. Then there is a psalm, some announcements, the introduction of a family and some prayer, and then it is time for soup. I remember why I am in Bible College, what this is all about.
The Spirit of God is in this dingy high-school cafeteria this Sunday morning. Jesus lives here, in this sloppy, broken, unattractive group of sinners that love Him very, very much.

I am home.

Community

2008-01-22T22:50:00.000-08:00

Community.... What is it about community?

We are the body of Christ. WE are the body of Christ. Not me. we. God is found in community, even broken community. For where else could God be found? If God were not found in broken community, he would not be found anywhere. Some of us raise our hands and dance and shout, and some of sit, and think, and pray. This is what the body of Christ means to me: Seeing Christ in all, from humility of those who know they are broken, to the enthusiasm of those who want to do nothing more than praise Him. Christ is revealed in us. We are His body.

Lord, help me not to criticize my brothers and sisters. Help me to see the truth through the layers, through the crooked doctrine, the broken theology, the hurt, the pain, the mistakes. Help me to see the body the way you see the body – perfect, perfected by you. The church will only be healed when we learn to see each other the way Christ does. Christ died for US, plural, collective, all. Not just the evangelicals, not just the Lutherans, Not just the Pentecostals, All.

How do we expect to be a healing force to the world, when we cannot even agree to simply love each other, even in our differences, even in our brokenness? Is it any wonder that other religions look at us and see us as actively choosing heaven over hell, actively choosing war over peace, actively fighting against His children, no matter what faith they believe?

Do we only become His children when we are saved, or are all people His children, worthy of true love, true compassion, true forgiveness, true mercy? If we believe that we have Good News, why do we act as if it is news that brings only pain and war? HE IS GOOD NEWS.

Lord, help me to walk this. Help me to believe this. Wash my heart of scorn for those who I see as pretentious, those who I see as over-enthusiastic, those who I see as artificial. Help me to see all in the church as His body, doing His work, by His good grace and mercy, through our brokennes.

Saturday

2008-01-19T19:17:00.000-08:00

In the past, I've felt myself anchored to my computer. Over the beginning of this semester I've made a habit of being away from the apartment more often, and interacting with more people - investing in real life and real relationships. During the weekdays, this has gone great. I spend more time at the college talking with people and forging new friendships, and still manage to get quite a bit done.

But the weekends seem to be a different story. I've spent all day in the apt. today, and I don't like it. I feel like I've been unproductive, that I'm waiting for something to happen to me rather than taking control of my own actions. The weekend is slipping away from me, once again.

How do I avoid this? How do I keep myself productive and healthy all week, not just on the weekdays? I don't know if I really have an answer for that question. Maybe coffee shops are the answer, but it's such a pain to lug my books around. I don't know.

So this weekend has been quieter than I would have liked, but that's ok. Despite my lack of self-motivation I have managed to get a fair bit done, and I still have another full day. I think part of the key is getting up early enough on weekends to make full use of the day.

Discipline.

Friday

2008-01-18T22:32:00.000-08:00

The OT takes a very long time to read. I'm not even halfway to where I should be yet... good thing I've got another two full days before school.

I bought my camera today, well actually, Jason bought it with his credit card and I paid him back. I got a D80 with battery grip, extra battery, lens, 2 gig card and bag for 1330. So basically I got the battery grip, battery, mem card, and bag for free because I bought it in Ontario rather than here. Not bad at all.

I'm really excited; new gear always gets my creative juices flowing a little. I really want to start taking more pictures that mean something.

I've spent most of today listening to Bob Dylan, The Velvet Underground, and Robert Johnson. I love that I get to listen to this kind of stuff for school.

I also read through Genesis, and now I GET (can you feel my excitement?) to start in on Exodus. I've got like another 40 chapters to read in that before Tuesday.

journaling stuff and nonsense

2008-01-17T22:45:00.000-08:00

The weekend is finally here. I've got a lot of homework to get done tomorrow, but I think it'll be all right. another 30 chapters or so of OT, a few album reviews, some reading for evangelism and outreach and spiritual formation, and timothy and titus. If I get right at it tomorrow, I should be all good by Saturday night, hopefully.

In other news, life is good. I got an extra five hundred bucks from Herring that I totally wasn't expecting, plus my student loans came through. So I can pay for rent, food, (maybe beer? mm) and.... buy a new camera. I'm looking seriously at a Nikon D80. I'd love to get a D200, but it's out of my price range. A D80 will be perfect for what I need now, and I can start collecting lenses and eventually upgrade down the road. The D80's a great camera, and I'd be super happy with that and a couple decent lenses.

In other other news, I'm really enjoying life. Missions fest is coming up, which will be awesome, and Im going on a missions trip down to New Orleans over spring break to do some construction work down there. I've got some great friends too.

Desert Bus!

2007-11-23T22:41:00.000-08:00

Ok, this is just plain cool. A bunch of guys from Victoria who run a website with dumb videos and comics (like that one from The Martlett about the boy and the monkey) stumbled across Desert Bus, the most boring game ever.

Then they thought, 'hey, let's get people to pay us to play this for as long as possible'.

And so they did. They're four hours in right now, over at the Desert Bus website. They've got a live feed from the screen, a live feed of the room, and a live chat. With the TV writer's strike, this is probably the most entertaining thing going right now!

They're up to over 5 grand already, all donated to Child's Play...that means they need to 'play' for 88 FREAKING HOURS! Good luck guys...

Watch, it's awesome

Quotes

2007-11-05T19:42:00.000-08:00

Best bit yet from my NT reading:

Of course, defenders of Marcan priority still dominate the field. However, among scholars there is still very little agreement on how to proceed. Symptomatic of this is the result of twelve years of study by the Synoptic Seminar of the Society for New Testament Studies. When it disbanded in 1982, their report was that they did not agree on a single thing.

How's that for Biblican Scholarship? heh.

Good day today, but I forgot I have a reading due tomorrow... and I still have five chapters to go. The upside is that I have been way too busy to think about anything else today.

80's rock band

2007-11-01T21:11:00.000-07:00

It was loud, but I got a few cool pics.

Check em' out at flickr.

Reblogged

2007-11-01T16:55:00.000-07:00

from my buddy James.... I interviewed this guy over the phone back in 2005-ish, as well as worked with Kathy and her sister on CARTS, the program George and Tom talk about. Pretty cool to see him picking up some national coverage for this website.

Check out Givemeaning.com

2007-10-31T22:24:00.001-07:00

Gosh I'm glad I missed the 80's.

help a buddy out, internet?

2007-10-05T11:01:00.001-07:00

So I'm looking for a ride from Saanich Baptist (4347 Wilkinson Road Saanich) to downtown Vic (near Beacon Hill) sometime midafternoon tomorrow. I need to pick up a truck for my dad, so it would only be one way, and shouldn't take too long.

If anyone has wheels in Vic and has an hour free tomorrow, want to lend me a hand? That would be amazing.

Thanks in advance!

Jordan

and now for something more positive

2007-09-25T20:15:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm a month in.

CBC is great. I'm loving the classes, even when I'm swimming in homework. My room mates are great, we've got a sweet pad, and my car stuff is taken care of.

Last week I had a crazy reunion - my old friend Alex, whom I haven't seen in like 6 years, drove me to Richmond to get the plates off my car. It was good times.

Other than that, I've gotten a job doing sound and media setup on campus, which should provide a good 40 bucks a week. I'm happy for that.

I've also started to make some friends around here. It's always an adventure making new friends... You're never quite sure how it will turn out. So far it's been great though.

2007-09-05T13:13:00.000-07:00

Well, day 2 of my grand school adventure.

Yesterday was the last day of Camp Qwanoes 2007. During my time there I wrestled with a lot of questions about my future. What am I doing? Where am I going? Where would god be able to use me best? Answers didn’t come easily. For a while it looked like I was going to stay at Qwanoes. I would work there part-time, work at Warmland church part-time, and be on my way towards being a youth pastor. But something just didn’t sit right. I prayed about it, and talked to some people, and gradually I came to the realization that I haven’t been called to be a youth pastor. Going that route was always just a means to an end; that Gos has called me in to some sort of ministry... but I don’t think that ministry is to be a youth pastor.

So I started exploring other options. Where was I supposed to be? Briercrest seemed attractive... I knew a lot of people there, and they had good programs... but nothing that really caught my eye or my heart. I then started looking at Columbia Bible College. I was instantly attracted to their Intercultural Studies program. Besides being an accredited BA, it also includes a ten-month internship. They help you decide where you want to go, and what you want to do, and then give you the tools to go and do that. It sounded like an amazing opportunity.

I applied, and was accepted, and now I’m sitting in Richmond at a Chevron in a broken-down Chevrolet. Huh.

I brought Ryan Lee and Michael Down over with me on the ferry, and just dropped Michael off at the airport about a half-hour ago. I got urned around coming out of the Airport and wound up in Richmond trying to find my way back to the highway and continue on my way to Abbotsford. I knew my car wasn’t healthy... I got it for free, after all. I was just hoping against hope and praying that it would make it as far as Abbotsford. Unfortunately, I came up to a red light, heard a “thunk”, and realized that it wasn’t shifting out of gear. Thankfully I made it a little farther, because there was no where at all to pull off there. But about 10 minutes later I rolled up to another stop light,hear a weird sound, and my car dies. Thankfully (again) the guy behind me jumped out of his car and helped me push mine into the parking lot of the Chevron.

So here I sit. God’s helped me make some choices: Hopefully I’ll be living with Alan and Jason now, seeing as how they’re right across the sreet from school. I also won’t have to pay for insurance, which is another good thing, I suppose. I wish He would teach me things the easy way sometimes....

This summer has been a crazy one. Emotionally, spiritually, physically, I’ve been a mess for a good chunk of it. But through that, God has used me. I know it. I just hope I’ve made the right choice. I really do. Only time will tell.

a blog

2007-08-13T11:59:00.000-07:00

Wow, haven't updated in a long, long time.

Summer is lon, exhausting, and great. I've had more than a couple adventures...

Adventure # 1: dealing with differing personalities and weird girls. 'nuff said.

#2: Kait's wedding. It was absolutely great and amazing. I took a whole ton of photos, some of which turned out great, others not so great. But I think they'll be happy with them once I get the all boiled down. we had spectacular weather for the wedding itself, and the location was great. Pictures to come eventually.

#3: going to the theatre. My friend Laura is the assistant stage manager for The Number 14, a comedy about the day in the life of a transit bus. Some Monty Python, a dash of Mr. Bean, some bizarre masks, and general caziness all the way around.... and she got me a free ticket! I also got a tour backstage, and had a really great time in general.

#4: Camp. It's an adventure all in itself. 3 more weeks!

a third of the way in

2007-07-22T21:54:00.000-07:00

Camp is an interesting place. one day you're exhausted, the next you're wired. One minute you're roasting, the next you're soaking wet.

Bizarre.

I rained a lot today, and it was pretty depressing. Shooting in the rain is a pain, and Q-town is ridiculously humid... We also had camera issues, which is fun.

But life in general is good, if not a little confusing. I'm trying to figure out where 'I'm supposed to be' and what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm starting to seriously think about Bible school....

Hopefully everything comes to light in the near future.

Camp

2007-07-03T22:19:00.000-07:00

We're halfway into the first week.

I'm exhausted, elated, and excited all at the same time. We're doing amazing so far.. every day I expect to go wrong, and every day I'm the one proven wrong. I love it.

Parker's shooting is improving every day, and Alan, well, I'm not sure where we'd be without him.

One more full day of shooting (and I mean full) and then one full day of editing, and we're out of week one. awesome.

small(er) camp: Fair Trade at Qwanoes

2007-06-28T13:18:00.000-07:00

So today Camp Qwanoes officially made the switch to Level Ground Coffee. I think this is an awesome step on the journey towards being truly Missional: dropping the lines between environmentalism and Christianity, Ethical consumerism and Faith.

It's a small step, but I think a radically important one. Other things camp is doing:

Those twisty low-watt lightbulbs
reusing paper where possible (we could do better here)
LCD monitors almost everywhere
Keeping the camp 'green'; no pulling up living plants, staying to the paths, teaching kids to treat creation with respect...

does anyone have some other ideas on what camp could do to be small(er)?
PS, the term small(er) is stolen from James over at Small(er) blog.

Wednesday

2007-06-20T14:51:00.000-07:00

one and a half days til the start of Staff Training.

I had a bit of a freak-out last night... I've got a lot to get done in the next 10 days. I think I can manage, but it's going to be really busy. Part of the stress is about September; I'd really like to be registered and just set for the end of the summer, but it's still a little up in the air, and I really wish it wasn't.

Outside of that, life is pretty good. I'm enjoying myself. It could always be better, but god's (slowly) teaching me to enjoy where I am at, and not worry about where I might be.

the weekend

2007-06-18T11:45:00.000-07:00

The weekend was pretty sweet. We had a great BBQ for Kait and Steve at my aunt Holly's house, and seeing the family is always great. Dad's still fishing, but he should be done in the next week or so, so that's pretty exciting.

four more working days til Staff Training... I'm just really hoping for some nice weather tomorrow. That would be sweet. We're supposed to be shooting the music video, and I kind of NEED nice weather for it. Plus, we've got the AC trip tomorrow, and it sounds like we'd really appreciate some nice weather for that as well.

2007-06-14T21:12:00.000-07:00

A couple thoughts tonight:

The song, where the chorus goes 'one day every tongue will confess, one day every knee will bow, but still the greatest treasure remains for those who gladly choose you now',
is this song biblical? I don't think I like the idea very much, for a couple reasons.

1. Yes, I know it's quoting scripture for the first part (the every tongue will confess part) but in this context it sounds awfully universalist. Not that I mind (I'm not universalist, although I can see the attraction) but I doubt that's what the author intended.

2. I don't want a 'greatest treasure'. I want the same treasure as anyone else who has chosen Christ. The word 'greatest' implies there are less great treasures, available for others (perhaps the first group of people the song sings about). This sounds like pretty sketchy theology to me, and flying in the face of the parable of the laborers (the one where they all got paid the same, regardless of when they started).

Anyhow, that's my two cents. I should really not do this and just enjoy singing the song, but my brain won't shut off.

anyone?

2007-06-12T13:27:00.001-07:00

Anyone want to make me a cool template for my Blogger? I don't have the time or skill, but I would love something unique.

2007-06-11T16:57:00.000-07:00

My wise friend Jordan suggested that I mention here that I don't have all the answers. I apologize to anyone who read the post above and believed I was making a definitive statement: I'm just a traveler on the road. Hopefully what I put here makes some sense to someone, but it is by no means the last word on anything.

Creativity, Art, Propaganda, God, and the reasons Why.

2007-06-11T14:19:00.000-07:00

This was spurred on by Jordan's (blog here) question: what is the difference between a Christian artist (artist in any way, say painting, music, etc.) and a non-Christian artist? He challenged his readers to 'think outside the box'. I'm not quite sure what box he's talking about, but I do have some thoughts on the subject.

First, we have ALL been created in God's image. I believe that part of God's image is the ability to create. What I mean by this is that I believe we are all blessed with creativity, whether it be in music, art, creating spreadsheets, whatever. This is a blessing which has been bestowed upon all humanity, whether we choose to acknowledge God as the instigator of the creativity or not.

Second, All humanity is motivated by something. I don't believe we ever do anything for 'no reason'. There are always reasons. The two central reasons most people do something are
1. To please themselves, or
2. To please someone else.
this is true for, I would say, the vast majority of the population.

Now, to my argument. I believe that the main difference between a Christian artist, and a non-Christian artist is motivation. Someone who is not attempting to live their life for Christ is either trying to please themselves (selfishness, egocentricity) or trying to please those around them. Someone who is attempting to follow Christ's teachings is trying to please Him.

How does this spell itself out in art? Well, many Christian artists have used this train of thought as an excuse to create 'Christian Propaganda', essentially ads for Christ. This has been done throughout history, some very good, some very poor. That's not what I'm talking about here.

As a follower of Christ, I believe that He impacts my life in a very direct way. Take a flower, for example. As a Christian, I view a flower as an example of God's creation, of His amazing work here on earth. An atheist surely appreciates the beauty of the flower as much as I do, but for him, there is no attachment to the supernatural through that flower. It's just a flower.

Now, if I take a photo of that flower, for me, It's because I want others to be able to see God's glory the way I see it, that I have something important to add to this jigsaw puzzle we call life. What they see in that photo is entirely up to them, but the purpose, the motivation, for that photo being taken was to use the gifts that God has given me to show His glory to others.

Here's the catch: if an atheist took that photo and assuming we two had similar skills in photography, the photos would be nearly identical. If you put them side by side, you would not be able to tell one was taken by a Christian and the other by an Atheist.

So what's the difference? I believe it all comes down to motivation. The Why. Why do we do what we do? Is it to please others, to please ourselves, or to please God? As Christians, I believe we should be slowly moving towards Him, using our gifts and talents for Him, and giving Him the glory. that doesn't mean that we must all run out and join a seminary, but it means we must give Him the glory in our day to day lives, and start living our lives as if the greatest being in the universe loves us unconditionally. As we learn to please Him, we will do what He says. If we do what He says, we will be learning to please (or bless) others. Through pleasing others, we will in turn be pleased (or blessed).

The Why is the only thing that seperates 'us' from 'them'. We have found the path in the darkness, or it has found us, and we have chosen to follow it.

Sunday

2007-06-10T14:22:00.000-07:00

Open House was crazy. The morning started super slow, and it poured rain, dampening our spirits before the guests even arrived... Rain also makes footage way harder to get. People started arriving at noon, we shot til 3:15, and started editing, but I didn't really give myself enough time, so I was editing til 10 minutes before Q-Town started. blah.

But we got 'er done, and life moves on. It was a great trial run for the summer, and I have a good idea of what we have to work on as the summer grows closer. less than three weeks now...

We still have to shoot Program videos and the music video, plus make the DVD intros.

On another note, I'm reading A Generous Orthodoxy by Brian McLaren right now. I love it so far. He' saying a lot of the things I've been thinking about over the past year, and that's awesome.

I'm going to Victoria tonight to go to The Place, and to get some sushi. it should be great times.

2007-06-08T19:26:00.000-07:00

One more night til Open House.

One of my cameras is having issues. it's a little temperamental. Thank goodness for extended guarantees.

I went to Nanaimo last night and saw Pirates 3 with my brother Isaac. His leg is healing slowly... but he's hopping around on his crutches pretty good now. Still has pain, but not as extreme as what it used to be. The nerves seem to be growing back, but it's going to be a long, long recovery.... like a year. Crazy how things happen like that.... I'm just hoping he heals up quickly. If I'm still working here at Qwanoes next year, mom's going to let him come as a camper. That would be pretty sweet.

I got the DVD main menu done today, and it looks pretty darn sweet, if I do say so myself. Miles ahead of last year. Now I've got to whip together a DVD intro in the next couple days to give to Scott as a concept video, and then figure out something new for DVD intros... Scott and Russ Axed what I wanted to do. That's alright, I'll come up with something.

2007-06-06T21:20:00.000-07:00

Tonight was Youth, an hour and a half of slightly controlled mayhem. It's pretty awesome. They're young kids, grades 5, 6, and 7, and just full of energy. I'm hoping I get to hang out here next year, I'd love to be a part of what's starting to happen.

2007-06-06T17:10:00.001-07:00

Tesp Post!

2007-06-06T17:09:00.001-07:00

Test Post!!!!

2007-06-06T17:08:00.001-07:00

Test Post!!!

2007-06-06T15:25:00.000-07:00

I had a meeting with Pastor Scott from Warmland today. Once again, someone really enthusiastic about the possibility of me working here, but with a lot of unanswered questions too... where will the money come from? What if my car breaks down?

I'm confident that God is working out the details. It will be busy though; I did a breakdown of the hours I'll have to put in during my MACS years, and even at 10 hours a day I'm still not sure if I'll have enough time for everything.

Good thing I'm no stranger to hard work.

Speaking of which...

Internships, the future, and life

2007-06-05T15:59:00.000-07:00

Well, June 5. How time flies.

I talked with Scott Bayley again today, and it sounds like things are moving forward with internships and schooling and whatnot. no definite answers yet, but thiings are looking good. I'm meeting with Scott (the pastor of Warmland, not Bayley) tomorrow, and hopefully that goes well... I've got no idea what kind of person he is, but i'm hoping he's a good one.

In other news, Camp is going well. No girl yet, but honestly, I'm really trying not to look any more this summer. I'm done with that. If love is meant to find me, it'll find me. and that's that. Geeze, how cheezy did that sound?

Parker, my assistant, is a good guy, but we don't get along like Nick and I did. that's alright, I wasn't expecting it to be as good as last year... and in some ways, it's better this year. I'm really enjoying my room, and some of the other friends I've made. Alan, who should be doing Starwood this summer, is a good guy, and so is Jordan Nielsen. I think people think we hate each other, but really it's all just for fun.

I'm so excited about this year. I think it is going to be terrific. Gotta be praying more...

2007-06-04T15:07:00.000-07:00

Well, most of my musings are still posted over here: bus-surfer04.livejournal.com

But I'm making the switch. slowly.